Monday, January 12, 2009

Pro Wrestling, A New Career?

So, I've decided to join a gym to get into better shape. I found this gym that offers Pro Wrestling training. My best friend Steve and I are wrestling fans so I figured that it might be a good way for us to get into shape. The first class was on Saturday night, the evening progressed as follows:

First, it was next to impossible to find the damn place, it was set back behind some warehouses just off of Barton St. I finally figure out how to get into this place and when I got inside, I discovered that it was a storage room for old manufacturing equipment. Half of it was filled with crap, and on the other side stood a wrestling ring.

I got changed and jumped into the ring with three other rookies (all smaller than me) along with the trainer (also smaller than me).

He started us off easy, teaching us how to take a proper 'bump' also known as a fall. This was pretty easy as it was the same as the karate training we got when we were kids. He started us off sitting, just to get the motions right. We were supposed to just fall back with our arms spread out. That was the easiest part of the night.

The trainer then told us to stand up and try falling from our knees, again, not too bad.

Next we all got a turn in the middle of the ring to fall backwards from our feet. That started to hurt.

I feel the need to explain what exactly I was falling onto. A wrestling ring is a solid metal structure with a plywood floor covered in 3/4" foam for 'support'. The middle of the ring is also supported by a spring, so the whole floor moves up and down.

After we perfected the art of falling, he then taught us how to 'hit the ropes'. Basically we would run back and forth in the ring bouncing off of the ropes. Before we started he explained to us that the ropes weren't actually rope, they were 1" steel cable wrapped in electrical tape. I have a 1" wide bruise all across my back from the 'ropes'.

He then decided that we needed to learn how to clothesline someone. A clothesline is just that, you run at a guy and stick your arm out straight and knock him over with it. The trainer decided that he was going to use me as the victim for this demonstration.

He told me that he was going to run at me and that when I felt his arm touch my chest that I was supposed to 'bump', a.k.a. fall as realistically as possible. Keep in mind, he's a real Pro Wrestler, so clearly he went on auto pilot at this very moment.

He hit the ropes and ran at me looking like he thought I just punched his mother in the face. Now, a normal person would just move out of the way if someone came at you like this, I tried.

I 'bumped' early and instead of his arm hitting my chest, it hit me square in he chin. Now, when you 'bump' properly, you're supposed to tuck your chin into your chest so that you don't hit the back of your head on the mat when you drop. Because he hit me in the chin, my head was arched backwards and it was the first thing to hit the ground.

He then asked me if I was OK, I said yes. He then said, "...did you see what you did wrong there?" The whole time I was thinking, "...yeah, I walked in the door."

So, here I sit, 48 hours removed from one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I hurt in places that I didn't even know I new career as a Professional Wrestler up in smoke, and all my loving, supportive mother can do is laugh her butt off as I'm telling this story to her.

I need some Advil.


Kim said...

I'm sorry baby, I was laughing my butt of reading this still. You're a good sport for taking the abuse. Never stop trying new stuff..even if it hurts that much.
Work hard at the gym, that new baby will need daddy for a long time

Shelley said...

ROFLMAO Ya, give up the wrestling but don't give up the gym!
Love ya to the moon Killer! :-)