Shell

I've been confronted once again with the mortality of us all. I know I'm at a point in my life where this sort of thing will happen from time to time, but when it does happen, you're never prepared for it.

I lost my Grandfather a little over two years ago to cancer. It was heart wrenching to go and see him deteriorate like he did, he almost became a shell of his former self. I'm now doing it all over again with my step-father. He was first diagnosed with kidney cancer about a year and a half ago, and had one of his kidneys removed that Christmas. He has since been battling more tumors in various places throughout his body.

We were just told today that he will be sent home to be cared for as there is nothing more that can be done for him at the hospital. They're basically sending him home to die. I can't help but think that this is so unfair! He's only 48 years old, in the prime of his life, and now has been reduced to nothing.

I remember meeting him for the first time when he and my mom started dating, he seemed like a nice guy, but I didn't want anything to do with him. Now, almost 10 years later, I think of him as my father...he helped raise me and is a big part of who I am today. I've always been the type of person who wanted to fix things for people, this is why when I see him lying in a hospital bed, it kills me to not be able to fix him. I want so badly for him to just get up and walk out like nothing ever happened, for him to just go back to making his crude jokes and rotten stories. I know that my 'Change Oil' light is due to come on anytime now, and I don't know where I'm going to take it, David has always been my go-to guy for things like that.

Sometimes when life is going so well for so long, these sort of things just blindside you. I know that between now and whenever, there will be many tears shed. I know up to this point I haven't always been able to keep it together, but it helps to know what David would have told us..." Suck it up sissy! Quit your belly-achin' ".